Saturday, November 24, 2018

To Death's Door


Have you ever been to death's door?
It changes you.
Maybe a new wrinkle on your face, maybe your smile shifts slightly... but something happens in you.

I was just there, death's door. I walked my dad up to it. Waited, watched the door open and let him inside and then closed on my face.

How quickly he is gone. No more opportunity to ask advice. No more trips, movies, chili, gift exchanges. He can't walk the streets, put on his hat, or eat ice cream any more. And my relationship? No more frustrations, angers, unforgiveness... all that matters is that we ended well.

I felt honored to walk my father up to that ominous door.
To hold his hand as he waited, to kiss his forehead and look into his eyes one last time.
Honored that we were together- he was not alone on death's doorstep.

Free

He is

Am I?

I walked away from this door, but now I groan from depths I didn't know existed.
I ache with emotional sciatica that wakes me at night. I know its coming for me someday. I have seen it with my own eyes.

Reflection
Life is a gift.

Live
Dream
Pursue

There is no better feeling in life than to know you have helped someone in need, shared with those around you, or made a smile come into existence... we all have the power to do just that.

Be Kind
To ALL

That's what its all about

Thursday, June 28, 2018

The ISTE Bends and how to Fix Them (Draft 1)


The ISTE BENDS

SCUBA DIVE?
Sorry to be such a nerd sometimes- but this is how my brain works and like the song from the Greatest Showman says, “This is Me.” I can’t help it. 

I might be the only one in the world who is 10 inches away from a coral reef, 100 feet down in the water off Roatan Island thinking…  “Abraham Lincoln would be jealous.” And then I thought "So would George Washington, King David, etc." How many in history have NEVER laid eyes on what I was able to see now because of technology. Yes- I know. WHO puts Abraham Lincoln and Scuba together? There is more where that came from- like what connects the tongue to Columbus? My theory is that if we had no taste buds we would not have a Columbus, Ohio- instead we would have a Nipmuc, England- sorry for those of you that just went BOOM. I know, I know, my brain does this all the time.

So I am blogging- I have read about this recently in Innovator’s Mindset- and I see this topic pop up throughout my ISTE experience. 

Why blog? To capture and share my learning, my experience, and my heart. Sharing gets this experience out there so I can go back and learn later in my life – and maybe even have my girls learn about their daddy through these words someday.

Specifically, today- I write out of a response to a post I read from Sarah Thomas. She made me cry. Not on purpose- she just wrote about how this conference experience is not always easy on people. She spoke of spending time in her room cuddled up in blankets staring at the ceiling. During the conference, sometimes. Parallels here- I could not wait to get to my hotel (First because I hate the thought of how much I am spending per night- had to squeeze out as much as I could- I even requested thumbtacks for my poster session and they gave them to me!) I used that hot tub- I used that sauna- I used the towels- the soaps- you get the point. 

What I liked about ISTE 2018...
I liked my alone time.
I also liked my friend time. The special sauce of a great conference- it brought me opportunities and gave me some great friends. Encouraging- dinners- boat tours- even ping pong.

I liked the vendors- new things are coming to education and I learned so much from them! Love the start up section especially.
I also liked that I learned from participants in my poster and workshop sessions!
I learned from the Keynotes- still live off of Caleb Harper’s speech from Denver.

I was honored to be selected to present this year. In my career , this was a milestone for me. Yet, I crashed after my session. Crashed! Felt like a complete failure. Months of work- no financial help to pay for registration- not even a Danish- and I walked out the doors of my session wondering why I put myself out there. No one to welcome me to my session, or say thank you at the end. Silence. I even spent the first day in my hotel room preparing and going over the session. So I did not attend two days of the conference (though I paid for the days). The crowd was hard to read and I hoped they were able to take just one thing to make the lives of their students more extraordinary. That is what is all about for me. Making the world awesome for the kids.

I was so excited- the proposal was accepted! 2 weeks ago when the session was sold out and over 100 signed up I was anxious but really happy. 

The session was at 1- so Paul from Boston and I (from Colorado) met to go over everything over and over and over. We were ready. See Paul came to my ISTE playground last year and met me- he was like my brother from another mother. A principal in Boston that went through some of the hardships I went through… all of us have hardships. ALL of us have some hard cards dealt.

Last summer I flew into San Antonio (where I went to college, Trinity University, and where my mom lived) to attend the conference and my mom did not pick me up from the airport. An old friend took me to her house- seeing her in a condition I've never seen before, so frail and hardly breathing. I dropped my bags and took her to the ER immediately. After they rushed her in the back and the team of 8 pulled away from her the doctor pulled me aside to say she only had a couple of months to live.

Mom is the world to me. Mom was stable. Mom was in good hands. I was able to keep my commitment to the 1-in-3 speeches I had, I kept my playground session too. Rushed after the conference to the hospital every night. 

Some Context... 2018 ISTE San Antonio
I had just gone through 8 months of unemployment and financial crisis. Which can crush you in itself- just was hired by D49 and the CEO of the district who saw promise in my leadership. That is the context that Paul met me- and inspired me because he loved the ideas I brought to ISTE. 

Mom is still alive- as stubborn as ever. She is doing better than the doctor told me.

ISTE 2019...
This summer- while walking between the Expo and the Blogger Cafe- I got a call from my little sister in Florida. Dad just got the results back- a brain tumor. 6 to 12 months left. Everything seemed to fade, time stood still as people walked around me. I saw Amanda Glover (met at ISTE 2018) and Devyn and shared my shock- they hugged me and were so cool- so encouraging. The power of connection- connections because I came to ISTE.

Do you ever feel like Rocky Balboa with that busted up face and eye swollen shut? 
Rocky took a punch, a hundred punches, and he didn't quit. He got back up.

So I walked around ISTE with all this inside- but I am great at compartmentalizing see… I turned some things off- and turned other things on. SWITCH… I was almost catatonic. 

So what? How did the ISTE conference fit into my crowded life? 

Let's learn from our friends who scuba dive. Scuba Divers know to stop before they come out of the water to decompress… to avoid the bends.
The bends- “decompression sickness- DCS- Diver’s Disease, aerobullosis- describes a condition arising from dissolved gases coming out of solution into bubbles inside the body on depressurization.” From Wikipedia. It is painful. You have to control your ascent speed. You have to pause. You have to rest. If it is happening- they treat it with a hyperbaric oxygen therapy in a recompression center.

SO- wouldn't you say that when you "dive" into a conference you can go deep- you can reflect- you can learn? I know I went deep- I know I dove into topics for the first time and it was amazing (Abraham Lincoln would be jealous).

So what can we learn here? Maybe that we need time to sit, pause, reflect, and rest more often than we think. ISTE- the next step for you might just be to have a place to go after a session and talk to an ISTE vet for encouragement- Maybe even offer to have someone come to a session and provide feedback upon requests… I want to grow! Make a decompression room!

My Hyperbaric Chamber- I am going away to rest- I am committed to unplugging for about 5 days. I am going to put my toes in water. I hope this is my recompression center- I hope it works. 

Perhaps Paul and I will continue our tour next summer- and maybe a few will join us. 
Meanwhile, Self-Sabotage gang- I know your colors and your ways- back off. Sarah- there is one thing I can do. I can step up- and when that gang shows its head again, I can get shoulder to shoulder with you and all our friends and fight them back. 
Even if it is with one eye swollen shut- that is why the song is called the EYE (singular) of the Tiger. (Get it- not the Eyes of the Tiger- Ok there is that nerd thing again)

Peace,
Michael