Better Conversations
Focus on improving my skills in Communication
Over the course of my leadership career I have heard a message from those who follow me that I can improve in my communication ability.
It is not uncommon I have talked to other leaders and they share that this is often something they see on feedback surveys and such.
So I am reading several books simultaneously. It is fun to see when books dovetail or divert from each other. Here are some of the notes and quotes from today's reading:
Jim Knight's Better Conversations.
Chapter 1: Radical Brokenness and Better Conversations
Quotes:
"In schools, better conversations can dramatically improve educator and student learning." p.2
"Everyone, adults and children, experience greater well-being when they are heard, respected, and valued." p. 2
"Our schools are only as good as the conversations within them." p.4
Reflection:
As a school leader, I am frustrated that we do not have this as a major part of our training. Developing the ability to foster great conversations is an art... and can help us build trust and get results in a school. I will do my best to lead those under my leadership to learn these skills.
Kim Scott's Radical Candor
Chapter 1: Build Radically Candid Relationships (see what I mean by dovetailing!)
Quotes:
"Every time I feel I have something more "important" to do than listen to people, I remember these words from my mentor, "It is your job!" p.4
"Emotional labor is not just pat of the job, it is the key to being a good boss." p.5
"Many people feel they aren't as good at management as they are at the 'real' part of their job. Often they fear they are failing the people who report to them." p. 5
"Ultimately, bosses are responsible for results... Bosses guide a team to achieve results." p.6
"Three areas of responsibility for managers include: Guidance, team-building, and results." p. 6
Reflection:
I have felt many of the emotions Kim shared as a leader. We are often alone. We are often facing ugly gossip, negative comments about each decision. Isolation and self-doubt are not a great combination. This year I had to truly embrace the growth mind-set. Take every stumble and reflect on it. Hopefully internalizing the feedback that helps and having the ability to discard the unprofessional and often personal comments that do not produce any growth. I am committed to growing- and look throughout history at people that have not always been popular or in the embrace of the group. Galileo, Lincoln, King, even Washington all had times of failure and of unpopularity. Yet they persevered. As will I.
So, I have felt the tension between wanting to get stuff done and listening to people when they need to talk. It is nice to see that my natural inclination to care for people is the KEY!
Brene' Brown's Dare to Lead
Section Three: The Armory
Quotes:
"At the center of all our elaborate personal security measures and protection schemes lies the most precious treasure of the human experience: the heart." p. 72
"I've always talked about living with an unarmored heart as wholeheartedness... engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness." p. 72
"Shame is the feeling that washes over us and makes us feel so flawed that we question whether we are worthy of love, belonging, and connection." p. 75
Reflection:
Shame. Heavy. Like the chains of the ghost of Christmas past... I've felt them. Felt unworthy. This is what I faced head on starting last October. I no longer let shame just rumble around free in my heart. I believe I am worthy. Worthy of respect and care. Worthy of self care. Worthy of grace. Though putting on armor is part of how I have lived- I am getting better at letting that stuff staff in the closet as I walk into maturity- walk into a life as a leader where I am not protecting myself- focused on loving others.
Though I am tired- let me get one more in here...
Gloeman, Boyatzis, and McKee's Primal Leadership
Chapter 1: Primal Leadership
Quotes:
"Great leadership works through the emotions." p. 3
"If leaders fail in this primal task of driving emotions in the right direction, nothing they do will work as well as it could or should." p. 3
"This emotional task of the leader... is both the original and the most important act of leadership." p.5
"Throughout history and in cultures everywhere, the leader in any human group has been the one to whom others look for assurance and clarity when facing uncertainty." p. 5
"Whether an organization withers or flourishes depends to a remarkable extent on the leader's effectiveness in this prime emotional dimension." p.6
Reflection:
I feel this theme- and can see how I missed it before. The fear that people will judge me for task completion has often had me get to "work." instead of thinking about how thinking about connecting to the emotions of a staff is more important that the to do lists and deadlines. So, can I operationalize this somehow?
Love how these 4 books had a conversation with me tonight...
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